Purr…fume

Just a few days ago, it was reported that Avni had turned a man-eater. Now, before your sick mind starts Googling “Avni eats man”, please know that Avni is a tigress and not a porn star.

Avni has developed a taste for human flesh and has mauled to death nearly a dozen humans around Pandharkawada village in Maharashtra and the Forest Department has been unable to capture her.

The Department officials tried to bait her but failed. They took six elephants to capture her but one of the elephants went berserk and trampled a villager ! Then they got the Italian breed of fearless dogs known as Cane Corso to track Avni and even that failed. Now they say they have a final solution to capture her and it comes in a small round bottle.

They say they are going to turn Avni’s man-eating roar into a seductive purr by spraying perfume !  And it’s not just any perfume, the tigress will respond to only designer Calvin Klein’s perfume, ironically named ‘Obsession’, for Men! Guess, Calvin  Klein got confused; he made a perfume to attract the wrong species of pussycat !

It’s not that Avni is a posh tigress or a gold digger who can only be attracted by designer products. It seems big cats are obsessed with the smell of this perfume as it has Civetone, a chemical compound (pheromone) derived from the scent glands of civet cat. It is believed that a civet cat secretes the strong musky odour for territorial marking and other cats respond by visiting the area with that smell and then spraying their own scents over it.

This could actually work. Many researchers use this perfume to lure animals to a spot to click photographs. In fact, in countries where hunting is legal, hunters use something called ‘attractants’ that come in the form of urine sprays.

Yes, animal urine is bottled to lure them. Thank God, humans are not lured by urine as a mating sign or a challenge lest our bushes and walls become mating and fighting spots.

But then a report published in Science News magazine states that people emit chemicals similar to those given off by animals. It seems, men produce a chemical in their armpit sweat called androstadienone (AN-dro-STAY-dee-eh-noan). And when women smell this compound, their hearts beat faster and their mood improves !

Similarly women too produce a chemical that lifts a man’s mood and it is called estratetraenol (ES-trah-TEH-trah-noll). And like in men, it is not produced in the armpits but in women’s urine !  Gosh, this gives the sexual position 69 a whole new dimension. May be this is what Donald Trump’s ‘Golden Shower’ parties were all about… just getting in a good mood.

Since we humans perceive body odour as dirty, we have created our own scents. But like animals, smell continues to play a role in attracting mates. Most boys in the 1980s and early 90s were obsessed with one perfume — Jovan Sex Appeal.

I remember a group of us pooled in money and invested in a bottle of Jovan Sex Appeal. We bought a bottle from Honk Kong Bazaar in the by-lane of Dhanvanthri Road. We thought the moment we apply a splash of this magic potion on our face and neck, half of Maharani’s College and Teresian College would be on its knees.

We also thought we could seduce women at  will. And why did we think this? Well, because the cover of Jovan Sex Appeal said so: “Sex Appeal – Now you don’t have to be born with it. This provocative stimulating blend of rare spices and herbs was created by man for the sole purpose of attracting women at will.”

It was a lie. For two months we reeked of perfume and desperation. Our classmates nick-named us “Jovan Despos.”

But something good came of this hunt for the perfect perfume to attract girls. We gained some farcical general knowledge. We learnt that ‘Cologne’ was a place in Germany and perfumes originating from this city were called cologne! We even learnt some French. We learnt that “Pour Homme” means “for men” in French. We learnt that “Eau de toilette” literally meant toilet water ! But what it actually means is lightly scented water kept in toilets to splash on face to freshen up.

Of course, today most youngsters are exposed to numerous types of perfumes. But the underlying appeal to attract the opposite sex remains relevant.

That is why even a simple deodorant spray meant to keep your body odour at bay is sold as a means to attract a mate. Remember the AXE Deo ad? You spray AXE Deo and by the time you are out of your door, you are no more Vikram Muthanna but Cadbury’s Muthanna that every woman wants to unwrap and take a bite? Well, that’s Jovan Sex Appeal for today’s generation. Perfumes don’t work if you don’t have charm or personality.

These days due to audio-visual overload, our sense of smell has been taken for granted. But there are about 5% of humans who just cannot smell ! It’s a condition called Anosmia.

This condition puts them in danger as they cannot smell smoke, rotten food or a gas leak. Of course, it can also be a blessing if you live with a farty spouse, or work with people who have bad breath. But again you wouldn’t know if you are smelling bad yourself.

Worse is, since 75% of our taste for food and memories are triggered by smell, you miss out on the joys of eating and vivid memories. Just imagine eating a masala dosa without getting the taste or smell of it. It is like eating cardboard. Life becomes tasteless and bland without smell.

In fact, smell is a very important aspect of sales for cleaning agents. Citrus smell evokes a sense of cleanliness, fruity smell evokes comfort and flowers remind us of maternal love. All these three scents are predominately used in washing and bathing products. It is said, people become more trusting and generously donate money when they are in a room that smells citrusy because it evokes a sense of hygiene which in turn evokes trust !

We reckon in this digital-obsessed world it is time to wake up and not only smell the coffee, but also stop to smell the roses. Who knows when we will lose the sense of smell?  A common cold could lead to Anosmia so also old age.

For now, I have bought a bottle of Calvin Klein ‘Obsession’ just to test it. I plan to wear it to the recently opened Jumbo Circus and to the Mysuru Zoo, let’s see if I can get the big cats riled up !

But then I better be careful when I walk up Chamundi Hill, lest I get pissed all over by a territorial leopard or worse, if it likes my smell and goes all Section 377 on me !!

email: vikram@starofmysore.com

The post Purr…fume appeared first on Star of Mysore.

***

Note from Kannada.Club : This story has been auto-generated from a syndicated feed from https://starofmysore.com/purr-fume/